Yesterday MLA published the Job Information List. The site was overwhelmed with traffic. That, in itself, is not a good sign. Through patience and many many clicks and refreshes and so on while working on my job letter, I did get through my search. There are about six possible jobs. I would let it go for a year, but two of them are located in Computerguy and my dream place. So, in spite of the odds (and they are very, very long odds), I feel like I need to make the effort. And If I’m applying for two, I might as well apply for six. And go back through the list when it isn’t so bogged down and see if there are any others. And there are a couple jobs not on the list I need to remember to apply for.
I met with two friends last night to go over job search materials and felt badly because I had forgotten how weak mine were. I think I had in mind I would work on them again later, but I didn’t do that before meeting. They were very gracious and gave me wonderful feedback, but, to be fair to them, I should have been more prepared.
The pattern of my life as a child was to just feel like I was fitting in to a place when my parents would pick up and move. That’s how I feel right now. I am finally setting down, making some connections, making some friends, feeling good about my life. I guess that means it’s time to leave it all.
Here’s my other issue-and it isn’t the principle of the thing–I think kids can do fine in daycare/preschool. Or if I did get a full-time job, Computerguy might stay home with them. I don’t have a problem with either of those options. My problem is this: My kids are getting to really fun ages. This is perhaps the only time in their lives that they won’t be part of the busy-ness of life, when we have hours and hours to play together. As soon as I get a job, that stops. I get busy, we have drop-offs and pick-ups and schedules and papers to grade and lesson plans to make and research to do. When they start school, it becomes the same for them. With my diss. it’s been just one of those things and it still take time from them. When they were infants, I couldn’t handle that much time alone with them, but now I have to admit, I get a little jealous of Grandpa playing cards with Bubble while I lock myself in the office to write. I’m super thankful for his help and glad he gets to spend this time with the kids, but…
The reality is, there may be more jobs in a few years, but I will have less chance of getting one if I haven’t been in the thick of things for a few years.
And, full disclaimer: I have a spouse with a really good job, so that gives me options that friends of mine don’t have. It also limits me in some ways. I can’t really ask him to pick up and move for a 1 or 2 or 3 year appointment or post doc.
It’s a good thing that, deep down, I really do believe it’s all in God’s hands. I’ll apply because miracles do happen, but if nothing comes of it, that’s okay, too. For now. After all, it really is all about the journey, whatever that journey might be.